Choklit Blog #71: Songwriting is fun

    As you may or may not know (why do so many of my blogs start that way?), I spend a lot of time sitting around doing nothing at school.  I recently decided to use that time to write songs.  So I've written some songs recently, and I've been waiting for the perfect moment to post them.  This is that moment... because I don't really have anything better to do... so here there are.  Enjoy, or don't.

The first one is called "Relentless."  It's basically about the dangers of praying for something relentlessly without stopping to consider how it will affect other people or whether it's even God's will.

Down on my knees, I made one request
That I refused to put to rest
Cause I'm relentless

Maybe I was a fool for asking
Cause I was the only one in mind
Maybe this infection's passing
But I won't hold my breath this time
Maybe I was desperate, I was clinging
But I swear I wasn't thinking
I hope that I'm sleeping, I pray that I'm dreaming
I cry that, oh God, would you please forgive me?

Down on my knees, I made one request
That I refused to put to rest
Cause I'm relentless
[One request, that I refused to put to rest]
Cause I'm relentless

How can I be happy for myself
When my discontentment's killed someone else?
I've got exactly what I wanted
But I lost so much more in the process
Cause I'm afraid that I'm to blame
As I'm watching everyone around me break
And what I've gained isn't worth your pain
I just hope that you can't read my shame

Down on my knees, I made one request
That I refused to put to rest
Cause I'm relentless

The second one is currently untitled, but it's about being strengthened by faith in God, despite normal human weaknesses.

Sometimes I'm afraid to try
Sometimes I won't look inside my mind
Sometimes, just scared of life
Do you think I'm down?

Some days I cry
Some days I can't look you in the eye
Some days I'm not ready to die
Do you think I'm out?

When I'm on the ground
I'll need more than just a feeling
To pick me back up

I don't need my heart, you can take my mind
They'll only quicken my demise
You can take my emotion, inspiration
Cause I'm built on faith and determination
You'll never weaken my resolve
I may trip, but I'll never fall

Some nights I can't fall asleep
Some nights, can't do anything but think
Some nights I can't even dream
But I'm not going down
I'm not falling out

I don't need my heart, you can take my mind
They'll only quicken my demise
You can take my emotion, inspiration
Cause I'm built on faith and determination
You'll never weaken my resolve
I may trip, but I'll never fall

Self-certainty creates the weak, and it's got no place in me
But I'm aware beyond a doubt that Someone's holding out
Someone's holding on to me
(When I'm on the ground
I'll need more than just a feeling
To pick me back up)

I don't need my heart, you can take my mind
They'll only quicken my demise
You can take my emotion, inspiration
Cause I'm built on faith and determination
You'll never weaken my resolve
I may trip, but I'll never fall

The next one is also untitled at the moment, and it's pretty much about the finiteness of the human mind and having faith.

After all these years
I'm flipping through old pictures
Trying to find proof
That You're not really here

After all these nights
I'm trying to remember what You said
Searching for one word
That will prove You wrong or right
And put my doubts to rest

If I could stretch the edge of my mind
To comprehend the touch of Your fingertip
That's the only thing I'll ever need
If I could stretch out my hand to touch
The beating of the heart inside Your chest
I swear I'd never ask for anything

After all these dreams
I'm wondering if I'd take more comfort
In knowing You're a fake
Or living solely on belief

But after all this time
I really think I'm so convinced
That no amount of fact
Could even try to change my mind
Cause You're the only thing that makes sense

Uncertainty is gripping at my mind
Like I want to grip Your hand
But I'll scream the truth at myself
Even though I'll never understand

If I could stretch the edge of my mind
To comprehend the touch of Your fingertip
That's the only thing I'll ever need
If I could stretch out my hand to touch
The beating of the heart inside Your chest
I swear I'd never ask for anything

Uncertainty is gripping at my mind
Like I want to grip Your hand
But I'll scream the truth at myself
Even though I'll never understand

The last one is called Break. It's self-explanatory. Actually, I guess most of these are, if not all of them.

I never saw this coming
Never though you'd be the one
I saw you moving closer
But I never though you'd take the plunge
And now it's done, you've fallen under
I feel like I'm chasing after thunder
Reaching for you
Why won't you take my hand, don't you understand?

Indecision's on my mind
I want to tear you down
But I want to know you're fine

When you start to shake
I pray it's more than you can take
And when you fall apart
You're always welcome in my arms
When you come unglued
I pray you'll finally see the truth
If that's what it's gonna take
Then I hope to God you break

My days are dragging slowly
Ad you're drowning in your skin
Each night I'm begging for you
That God would pull you from your sins
It feels so useless, I'm confused
I feel like my mind has been abused
Trying to get you
Why won't you take my hand? I don't understand.

This thing is hurting us both
If it's not over soon
Then I don't know how we'll cope

When you start to shake
I pray it's more than you can take
And when you fall apart
You're always welcome in my arms
When you come unglued
I pray you'll finally see the truth
If that's what it's gonna take
Then I hope to God you break

That's all for now. Hopefully I'll have some more done soon. If you happen to read this, feedback would be appreciated. Thank you and goodbye.

Choklit Blog #70: Epic Accounts of Candy-Making, Week 11

November 9, 2010.

       For me and most of my classmates, today was the last day of dealing with our newly acquired enemy, marzipan.  My prediction about my scene was correct... it’s one of the worst-looking in the class, because there’s really not much to it and all my animals look like they were made by a second grader.  The animals are falling over, too... but that’s okay, because they’re doing something exciting.

       Today we started preparing for the project we’ll be working on for the next few weeks-- pastillage centerpieces.  In order to make this centerpiece, we have to build a box out of pastillage, then pipe eight large ornaments and thirty-two small ornaments with royal icing (plus extras in case we break some).  The ornaments dry for a few days, and then we put them on the box.  Sounds easy, right?  We’ll see.  What we had to do today was show Chef Gronert the designs for our ornaments.  He called everyone up front one at a time, looked at their design, and told them all the things that were wrong with it.  After seeing some other designs, I thought mine would be too simple, so I knew he would hate it.  I was wrong.  I was also shocked and amazed.

       When I was called to the front, I was just about to start piping the border around my marzipan dummy cake.  I’m glad that event was temporarily delayed, but I kind of wish I had further postponed it by passing out or something on the way back to my table.  My border was really ugly.  That’s all I have to say on that subject.

       The one thing I was happy with today was my marzipan fruit.  I wasn’t totally thrilled because my cherry didn’t have a stem, I couldn’t fit my last pear on the little fruit mountain, and I almost forgot to powder my peaches, but I think the awesomeness of my limes made up for all that stuff.

Choklit Blog #69: 100 Reasons Why I'm Thankful

       Yes, that’s right, it’s time for my annual Black Friday blog.  Technically it’s my Thanksgiving blog, but I never write it until Black Friday, because I’m too busy eating on Thanksgiving.  I know usually I make a list of like ten things, and one time I did fifty, but this year, I wanted to go even bigger... so here are one hundred reasons why I’ve been thankful at some point in the past year.

1. God.
2. My family.
3. My friends.
4. My iPod.
5. The freedom to own a Bible.
6. The ability to express my thoughts through written words.
7. Inspiration.
8. Facebook.
9. Music.
10. Manic Drive.
11. Concerts.
12. Pastry school.
13. Band posters and t-shirts.
14. Converse.
15. Semester-long classes instead of year-long classes.
16. Fuzzy socks.
17. The Coastal Carolina Fair.
18. Extra credit.
19. Ted Dekker.
20. Apricot-scented deodorant.
21. Salted caramel.
22. Australian and British accents.
23. Chapstick.
24. Sick cornet-making skills.
25. Notebooks.
26. Random strangers who become my friends.
27. My guitars and keyboard.
28. Determination.
29. Netflix.
30. My new old TV.
31. Hats.
32. Intelligence.
33. Leather jackets (and fake leather jackets.)
34. Cars.
35. Aviators.
36. Computers.
37. FF5DailyDeals on Twitter.
38. Song lyrics.
39. CD’s.
40. Three-ring binders and page dividers.
41. Football.
42. Wannamaker park.
43. Elephant.
44. My name.
45. Alarm clocks.
46. Nutri-grain bars.
47. Delicious bacon.
48. Air conditioning.
49. My house.
50. Mirrors.
51. Three-hole punches.
52. Canada.
53. Aloe gel.
54. Coconut-lime scented lotion.
55. Eyedrops and contact solution.
56. Contacts.
57. Glasses.
58. Hair clips and headbands.
59. Liquid eyeliner.
60. Orange-handled knives.
61. Band-aids.
62. Hugs.
63. Hard-working people.
64. My stereo.
65. Blogger.
66. Hairspray.
67. Hugh Dancy.
68. Josh Duhamel.
69. My camera.
70. Fluffeh bunnehs.
71. Straight teeth.
72. Skinny jeans that are designed for females over the age of ten.
73. Aaron Tomberlin (the guy from aaronsguitarlessons.com).
74. Cell phones.
75. Bluetooth.
76. iTunes.
77. Awesome belts and belt buckles.
78. Days off.
79. Righteous indignation.
80. Entertaining dreams.
81. Instructors who go easy on their students.
82. Vacuum cleaners.
83. Sales.
84. Stickers.
85. Painter’s tape.
86. Success.
87. Sleep.
88. Money.
89. Health.
90. Hot water.
91. Soap.
92. Hair dryers and straighteners.
93. Discernment.
94. Numbers.
95. Windows.
96. Enough room in my closet to actually hang up clothes.
97. Blankets and pillows.
98. BLT’s with shaved chicken, blue cheese dressing, and scallions.
99. Nutella.
100. The Bachelor.

Choklit Blog #68: College and concerts

  It’s been a month since the last time I posted anything other than my epic accounts of candy-making.  That means it’s about time I post something semi-interesting.  The reason I haven’t been writing so much lately is because I’ve been busy with that thing everyone loves: college!  I have several different projects to work on, but of course, I’m blogging instead.  This whole college thing really isn’t my thing.  Graduation should be here pretty soon, though... just six more months!

  If you thought I was about to blog about school, you were wrong.  Oh, so very wrong.  I actually want to talk about an awesome discovery I sort of made... or re-made... last Wednesday: Manic Drive.  Yes, I’m going to talk about them even more.  If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you probably think I’ve recently become obsessed with them, but actually, I’m using a very effective marketing tool- repetition- to make you all listen to them.  It’s working.  

  Until last Wednesday, I actually only knew two of their songs.  Then I saw them in concert, where I heard four of their songs and got to talk to them for about thirty seconds, and by the end of the night I had a new second-favorite band. (FYI: No one replaces Thousand Foot Krutch as my favorite band.  That would simply be unjust.)  Anyway, for everyone who likes great music and insanely friendly people, here are a few of the reasons why I like them so much and why you should too:

1. They make seriously amazing music.  I will admit that I don’t like one of their songs.  It’s called “Hope” and it’s on their new album “Blue”, which is amazing.  I just don’t really like that song.  Other than that, I haven’t heard a single one of their songs that I don’t like.  A few highlights from their new album are “Walls”, “NYC Gangsters”, “Dancefloor”, “Closer”, “Blue”, “Better Man”... wait, that’s already like half the album.  Just listen to the song “Memories” and try to say it’s not amazing.  (For added amazingness, go to Youtube and find a video of them performing the acoustic version).  And it’s not just the music... they write really great lyrics, too.  The music industry seems to have been overtaken by songs that are so completely cryptic that they make no sense and cheesy love songs.  With Manic Drive, you don’t have to worry about running into either of those tragic mistakes, and you’ll find something with a little more meaning.

2. They’re actually nice to their fans at shows.  They were at their merch table during the intermission and after the show, signing autographs and taking pictures with fans.  But they didn’t just sign autographs and take pictures-- they did this thing called “interacting” with their fans.  Most bands seem to have never heard that term before, but these guys have it down.  I remember going to a concert at a theme park when I was fourteen to see a pretty big Christian rock band.  Their autograph line wasn’t very long, but apparently the guitarist and drummer didn’t have long enough attention spans for it.  By the time I got to the table, the two of them were just sitting their chatting with each other and they didn’t even bother to look at me.  They looked kind of like an assembly line.  The guys in Manic Drive weren’t like that at all.  They all complimented my extremely awesome shirt (which I had just bought it from their merch table, but it was very nice of them nonetheless); Michael, the guitar player, made me promise to come back later so I could get a picture with them; Shawn, the lead singer, voluntarily shook my hand; and Dave, the drummer, randomly commented that my cross necklace made it look like the word “maniac” on my shirt had a random “t” in it.  It was almost like a normal conversation between four normal people... it was like they realized that being a band doesn’t make them better than everyone else.

3. They’re also nice to their fans on Facebook.  Have you ever seen a band comment on their fans’ Facebook photos?  I know I hadn’t before, but Manic Drive has a band profile, which they (mostly Dave, I think) use quite often to comment on pictures and posts that fans have tagged them in.  They even used it to assure me that I can give them as many BFF hugs as I want, as long as I’m wearing my Manic Drive t-shirt.  Seriously, what other band does that?

4. They’re Canadian.  Canadian bands basically just win.  When I heard that they were Canadian, they immediately shot up to Thousand Foot Krutch/Hawk Nelson/Manafest status in my book.  I don’t know what it is about Canadians, but they know how to make music.

5. They hate Twilight. The intro for their show was actually a Twilight spoof/mockery about them being vampires and then quitting to start a band.  Then Shawn announced on stage that they all just really hate Twilight.  Much cheering ensued.

6. Their shows are completely, 100% epic.  If you’ve ever read any comments on any Youtube videos of anything they’ve ever done, you’ve probably read something along the lines of “ZOGMYGOSH TEH GUITARITS DID TEH ROBAT WILE EH PLAED GITAR IT WUZ GRATE!11221!!@@@”  That is a true statement.  He does that.  They also taught us South Carolinians this cool Canadian word: “jump.”  Lots of that goes on at their shows too.  If you like high-energy shows where people sometimes fall through the stage and run headlong into drum sets, then Manic Drive is for you.

7. They sell extravagantly large posters at their shows for $5.  I’ve been to a few concerts in my life, and most of the time, you can get a poster for $5.  These posters are usually quite small.  I bought a Manic Drive poster at their show last Wednesday for $5, and I haven’t measured it, but I’d say it’s somewhere around two by three feet.

8. They have metallic Sharpies.  I went to a concert in October of 2009 and bought a poster (a very small one, of course... for $5). I got it signed by the band.  The poster was kind of dark, and they all had black Sharpies.  The autographs are now very hard to see.  I have another poster hanging on my wall that I won from a contest on Facebook.  It was autographed when I got it, in black of course, and it’s also a dark poster.  I forgot it was autographed until I happened to look at it up close the other day.  That does not make me happy.  When I was standing in line to get my Manic Drive poster signed, I dug through my purse in an unsuccessful attempt to find my metallic Sharpie so the autographs would actually show up on my poster, which again, was dark.  I was disappointed when I couldn’t find it, but when I got up to the table, I saw that they all had silver metallic Sharpies.

9. They have cool hair.  I think the reason I appreciate their hair so much is because my computer background is an old picture where one of them had really bad hair.  I die inside a little bit every time I see it, but it’s a nice picture otherwise, so I haven’t changed it.  It helps me to appreciate how far they’ve come in the hair department.

10. Their music videos are indescribably wonderful.  I was watching TVU one day to see the premier of Project 86’s new video, when suddenly my attention was completely captivated by flashy lights and a catchy beat.  I had to find out what this song was... and lo and behold, it was “Walls” by Manic Drive.  It was my second Manic Drive song.  A few days ago, one of my friends told me to watch the video for their song “Music”, and I must have watched it five times.  Between Michael’s priceless facial expressions, Shawn’s shiny silver suit, Anthony’s awkward dancing, and of course, the extremely catchy song, it’s really hard to watch just once.

  Since I’m pretty sure this just became one of my longest blogs, I’ll stop now.  If this was too long for you to read so you skipped ahead to this part, just know that Manic Drive makes great music, they’re very down-to-earth and totally normal guys, they have amazing Sharpies, and they sometimes injure themselves onstage.

Choklit Blog #67: Epic Accounts of Candy-Making, Week 10

October 26, 2010.

  Day two of marzipan.  Technically, this was supposed to be the last day of it, but guess how many people finished today.  That’s right... one!  And guess who it wasn’t.  Right again... me.

  I did come up with an idea for my scene, though.  I’m making elephants and hippos who are playing football and using a mouse as the ball.  I made all my hippos and mice, and I only have one elephant left to make.  Then I have to put some white lines and numbers on a green piece of marzipan that I already rolled out, then set up the animals.  Who picked the easiest idea?  I did!

  I thought my hippos were looking pretty sweet until I saw that one of my classmates was also making hippos and hers were like a million times better than mine.  Unfortunately, hers didn’t have legs, and therefore couldn’t play football, so I couldn’t steal them.

  While I was trying to think of how to make my football field, Chef Gronert insisted on standing over me and saying “That’s not how I would do it” every five seconds.  Well maybe I was using the trial-and-error method to learn a better way to do it.  But if you’re so insistent on telling me I’m wrong, at least tell me how to do it correctly.

  I have a feeling that my scene will be one of the worst in the class.  Do I care?  Of course not.  Wait... perfectionism says yes.  I care.

  In most cases, I would sort of be somewhat okay with it as long as I still get an A in the class, because I’m genuinely not good at modeling marzipan.  In this case, I’m the youngest one in the class, and therefore should have played with play-doh more recently than everyone else... meaning I should be better at it than everyone else.

Choklit Blog #66: Epic Accounts of Candy-Making, Week 9

October 19, 2010.

  I feel like I’m in second grade all over again.  I only spent six weeks in second grade, but it was so traumatic that I remember it quite vividly.  So why was that the first thing to come to my mind when class started today?

  Marzipan.  That’s why.  We’ll be playing with a sticker and tastier version of play-doh for the next couple of weeks, and it’s really not as easy or as fun as it was in second grade.  Not that I ever played with play-doh in second grade—that was fifth grade.

  We have to use marzipan to make a dummy cake with fruit on top, three types each of three different animals, and a scene which may or may not include all of those animals.  The animals in the scene have to be doing something, and Chef Gronert has to be able to tell what they’re doing.  It also has to be exciting.

  I absolutely could not think of an idea for my scene that would be good enough for Chef Gronert’s standards, so I worked on my fruit today.  I got it all modeled and I got about half of it colored.  That means I have next week to finish coloring my fruit, make nine animals, make a scene, pipe a border around my dummy cake, and set up all my fruit.  He said it’s okay if we go into the week after that, but who doesn’t want to be the last one finished?  That’s right.  Me.

  Most of the class made their dummy cakes today, and due to the amount of already-colored green and purple marzipan, and the lack of interest in the clearly easy and enjoyable task of coloring more marzipan, most of them are green and purple.  I guess it didn’t feel enough like elementary school, so we had to throw Barney’s colors in there to make it even better.